Why am I so out of shape?

As previously mentioned in my "Ode to Bradley Cooper" post, I really need to get back in peak physical shape. Many of you who know me know that this desire is backed by a multi-fold reasoning so ingrained into my psyche that failure equates to a death sentence physically, emotionally, and socially (however twisted that reasoning may be). I really gotta follow through, dammit!

"Screw tanning, you can totally see my abs better under moonlight." [cue gratuitous howling]

Apart from impending wagers (read: motivation) and the upcoming beach-friendly summer months, I have put my foot down on this goal as I realize my best years of potential physical awesomeness are about to be behind me. If you know me, please scold me like a little child if/when I stray and reference this post as justification. Thanks in advance.

Aspiring to be like Bradley Cooper probably isn't a bad idea...

Today, a viral clip of The Hangover 2 star features an interview...completely in French. Apparently homeboy knows a little more about Paris than just croissants. BALLER!!! Link here.

I gotta say, this has gotta shoot him up the top of my [no homo] "man-crush" list. As if his good looks and apparent charm aren't freaking enough. He's gotta play on the French ladies in their own language too? Too much. The one-time asshole antagonist from Wedding Crashers has sent his stock into the stratosphere with this tidbit.

Why am I making such a big deal about this? Yahoo! had the audacity to call this finding his "hidden talent". Are you freaking kidding me? If Joe Schmo out of nowhere starts speaking fluent French all of a sudden, do you know what we'd call him? "Bilingual." Yahoo! is right in that he's talented, but it's clearly not hidden now.

"I am Pepé Le Pew without le stink."

Ok, how do I assess my ability to possibly duplicate any of his success? Checklist!

• International movie star? Crap. This could be hard.
• Charming, boyish appeal, and good looks? I have been told this is possible, so half-check.
• Rugged scruffy facial hair? CHECK!
• Make women on Twitter "swoon"? Impossible because I refuse to sign up for Twitter. Booyah.
• Mastery of Romantic language? Looking into Rosetta Stone as we speak.

Ugh. A lot of work to do.

Anyway, can we get a slow clap going for this man? I would be haterifficly (yes, I just made that up just now) jealous if I weren't so damned impressed. Which reminds me: I really need to visit the gym.